Jo tapped her pencil against her desk anxiously and let her mind wander back to the rainbow bracelet tucked away safely in her backpack. Safe and hidden among the clutter of her hectic life. Sandwiched between two folders, one Marvel and one soft pastels, she lips twitched at the almost poetic placement.
She couldn't bring herself to put it on, it didn't feel right - it WASN'T right. She traced her fingers over the rose, royal blue, and lavender pendent tucked neatly into her shirt she had opted to wear instead.
Her bravado that morning when she put it on faded almost as soon as she reached the front doors and she hide it away from view. She doubted most people would get the symbolism, but she couldn't help but be a little nervous.
She had brought the rainbow bracelet as a backup plan, but she wasn't gay so wearing it seemed like a bust. She once again doubted the ability of most of those in the class to understand it as a symbol for all LBGT people and not immediately make the jump to gay. She rolled her eyes at her own thoughts.
"Am I gay?" Her thoughts from before echoed through her head and transported her back to that moment. That moment when Anna had smiled at her and laughed at one of her stupid jokes. The moment when Jo finally started to notice things about her she hadn't before. Like how she had started to zero in on every little part that made up the whole and began appreciating each in a new way. Like staring at a beloved piece of art and noticing the flower the artist had tucked away in a corner, or the cat staring out of an upstairs window, or the words spelled out in the dust in the wind. The painting becoming that much more beautiful.
Jo crinkled her nose as she realized just how ridiculous she sounded. Anna wasn't a painting, she didn't belong to Jo, she wasn't an object to be observed and admired from a far.
So what did Jo want from her? An image flashed of long fingers tangled in her yellow hair, rose colored lips pressed against her throat.
Startled by her own thoughts Jo shifted uncomfortably in her chair and did her best to focus on her math problem.
"Is the scowl a permanent feature or a temporary addition? What are you trying to intimidate the problem into solving itself?"
Her head snapped up in surprise as she stared wide eyed at the voice that pulled her out of her thoughts. Dean sunk into the desk in front of her and twisted to bring her into his view.
"This look has been known to send underclassmen to their knees." Came a dry reply. She gave her best friend a smile and did her best to put a little heart into it.
Dean was always quick to pick up on her moods. He said she was a terrible actor and an even worse liar but Jo knew it was more than that. You can't spend most of your life tied to someone's hip and not get to know them inside and out.
Another uncomfortable shift in her seat, "did you see that Mustang outside?" She quirked an eyebrow and pursed her lips in a sarcastic grimace.
He nodded and rolled his eyes. "Why would you do that man? Seriously?"
Jo gave a half laugh and Dean continued on about the injustice of it all, Jo all but tuned him out as a glimpse of red was spotted out of the corner of her eye.
"...someone should really arrest them. Hey! Are you..." Dean trailed off and Jo turned her head back to face him. She hadn't even realized she had been staring until Dean's deep rumble brought her back out of her fantasies.
Dean slapped a hand gently down on her desk. "Okay, spill. Now."
"About...?" Jo feigned ignorance and scribbled down an answer on her math homework, she was sure it was wrong but it was something to do with her hands.
"Space cadet, you can't trick me. Something's up. What is it?" Dean had that look in his eye. He often knew when to let things go, but somethings he latched onto something with a predator like grip and there was no way to shake the question forever.
Jo didn't answer right away and absently brought her hand up to play along the ridges of the pendent under her shirt. As soon as she had realized her feelings and longings toward Anna she had undergone a lot of soul searching. She wasn't an idiot, but she had never really thought about things in terms of shades of grey. Most things had been black or white her entire life.
She more she thought about her attraction the more the term "gay" just didn't sit well with her. She was still attracted to boys she was sure.
Jo scanned over eyes over Dean's face and trailed them lower. She could admit he was attractive and had they not been sibling level close she admitted to herself should might climb him like a sturdy oak. She inwardly cringed again at yet another horrible analogy.
Being bisexual prior had never even been an option, she had just never thought of things like that. The more she researched the more liberating it felt to know she didn't really have to define herself or pin her self down with one title. She could just let herself be. It was after this enlightening moment that she had really started to indulge her now more-than-a-crush-crush on Anna.
Dean noticed her hands and snatched the chain to pull it out of her shirt, his hands were quick but Jo's were quicker as she pulled it loose and tucked it back in safe and sound against her skin.
Jo finally met Dean's eyes, he had seen it and even worse he knew what it meant. The implications of that second fact did not register with Jo's brain as she tried to process the first fact.
She searched his eyes for any sign of disapproval or disgust but only was met with a blank stare. Jo inwardly groaned, any emotion right now would be better than none.
Finally Dean gave a soft laugh and reached into his pocket to pull a delicate silver chain with a ring on it, much like Jo had seen on many of the girls in her class, although in those cases the ring often belonged to their meaty fingered boyfriends. This ring appeared to be Dean's size. Jo's brain struggled to understand and make the connection between this strange turn of events and her recently outed status.
Finally it struck her, the band was made up of three distinct colors: rose, lavender, and royal blue.
Jo's eyes narrowed and she willed her brain back into motion and her mouth to speak, say anything at all.
Dean beat her to it, "Happy coming out day, I guess?"
Fill, Team Anna/Jo, Coming Out Day
Cross posted here:
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1007052
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jo tapped her pencil against her desk anxiously and let her mind wander back to the rainbow bracelet tucked away safely in her backpack. Safe and hidden among the clutter of her hectic life. Sandwiched between two folders, one Marvel and one soft pastels, she lips twitched at the almost poetic placement.
She couldn't bring herself to put it on, it didn't feel right - it WASN'T right. She traced her fingers over the rose, royal blue, and lavender pendent tucked neatly into her shirt she had opted to wear instead.
Her bravado that morning when she put it on faded almost as soon as she reached the front doors and she hide it away from view. She doubted most people would get the symbolism, but she couldn't help but be a little nervous.
She had brought the rainbow bracelet as a backup plan, but she wasn't gay so wearing it seemed like a bust. She once again doubted the ability of most of those in the class to understand it as a symbol for all LBGT people and not immediately make the jump to gay. She rolled her eyes at her own thoughts.
"Am I gay?" Her thoughts from before echoed through her head and transported her back to that moment. That moment when Anna had smiled at her and laughed at one of her stupid jokes. The moment when Jo finally started to notice things about her she hadn't before. Like how she had started to zero in on every little part that made up the whole and began appreciating each in a new way. Like staring at a beloved piece of art and noticing the flower the artist had tucked away in a corner, or the cat staring out of an upstairs window, or the words spelled out in the dust in the wind. The painting becoming that much more beautiful.
Jo crinkled her nose as she realized just how ridiculous she sounded. Anna wasn't a painting, she didn't belong to Jo, she wasn't an object to be observed and admired from a far.
So what did Jo want from her? An image flashed of long fingers tangled in her yellow hair, rose colored lips pressed against her throat.
Startled by her own thoughts Jo shifted uncomfortably in her chair and did her best to focus on her math problem.
"Is the scowl a permanent feature or a temporary addition? What are you trying to intimidate the problem into solving itself?"
Her head snapped up in surprise as she stared wide eyed at the voice that pulled her out of her thoughts. Dean sunk into the desk in front of her and twisted to bring her into his view.
"This look has been known to send underclassmen to their knees." Came a dry reply. She gave her best friend a smile and did her best to put a little heart into it.
Dean was always quick to pick up on her moods. He said she was a terrible actor and an even worse liar but Jo knew it was more than that. You can't spend most of your life tied to someone's hip and not get to know them inside and out.
Another uncomfortable shift in her seat, "did you see that Mustang outside?" She quirked an eyebrow and pursed her lips in a sarcastic grimace.
He nodded and rolled his eyes. "Why would you do that man? Seriously?"
Jo gave a half laugh and Dean continued on about the injustice of it all, Jo all but tuned him out as a glimpse of red was spotted out of the corner of her eye.
"...someone should really arrest them. Hey! Are you..." Dean trailed off and Jo turned her head back to face him. She hadn't even realized she had been staring until Dean's deep rumble brought her back out of her fantasies.
Dean slapped a hand gently down on her desk. "Okay, spill. Now."
"About...?" Jo feigned ignorance and scribbled down an answer on her math homework, she was sure it was wrong but it was something to do with her hands.
"Space cadet, you can't trick me. Something's up. What is it?" Dean had that look in his eye. He often knew when to let things go, but somethings he latched onto something with a predator like grip and there was no way to shake the question forever.
Jo didn't answer right away and absently brought her hand up to play along the ridges of the pendent under her shirt. As soon as she had realized her feelings and longings toward Anna she had undergone a lot of soul searching. She wasn't an idiot, but she had never really thought about things in terms of shades of grey. Most things had been black or white her entire life.
She more she thought about her attraction the more the term "gay" just didn't sit well with her. She was still attracted to boys she was sure.
Jo scanned over eyes over Dean's face and trailed them lower. She could admit he was attractive and had they not been sibling level close she admitted to herself should might climb him like a sturdy oak. She inwardly cringed again at yet another horrible analogy.
Being bisexual prior had never even been an option, she had just never thought of things like that. The more she researched the more liberating it felt to know she didn't really have to define herself or pin her self down with one title. She could just let herself be. It was after this enlightening moment that she had really started to indulge her now more-than-a-crush-crush on Anna.
Dean noticed her hands and snatched the chain to pull it out of her shirt, his hands were quick but Jo's were quicker as she pulled it loose and tucked it back in safe and sound against her skin.
Jo finally met Dean's eyes, he had seen it and even worse he knew what it meant. The implications of that second fact did not register with Jo's brain as she tried to process the first fact.
She searched his eyes for any sign of disapproval or disgust but only was met with a blank stare. Jo inwardly groaned, any emotion right now would be better than none.
Finally Dean gave a soft laugh and reached into his pocket to pull a delicate silver chain with a ring on it, much like Jo had seen on many of the girls in her class, although in those cases the ring often belonged to their meaty fingered boyfriends. This ring appeared to be Dean's size. Jo's brain struggled to understand and make the connection between this strange turn of events and her recently outed status.
Finally it struck her, the band was made up of three distinct colors: rose, lavender, and royal blue.
Jo's eyes narrowed and she willed her brain back into motion and her mouth to speak, say anything at all.
Dean beat her to it, "Happy coming out day, I guess?"